Falling Apart
by Christene Cullen
Summary: The Doctor takes Steve to go see an old friend... but it doesn't end quite as Steve would wish. Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter and Steve Rogers/Tony Stark shipping towards the end. Angsty and fluffy and sad. R&R!


A/N: Ok, guys, I just had a lot of feelings and this was what came out of it and people should tell me what they think because yeah, reviews are rad! Basically read and review all you want! 3

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Steve remembered seeing this blue box before, and he knew what usually followed was a great adventure. Today though, he didn't feel much like partaking in a journey across the galaxy, which was what had been offered last time this exact same blue box had been conjured up into Stark Tower. Captain Rogers and his team had travelled to a completely different planet where they'd helped a strange man with this same blue box defeat Loki once again. Right now Steve wasn't in the right frame of mind to go and save the world. For once, he was the one who needed saving and it seemed as if no one really understood that. Steve Rogers, or Captain America, was supposed to be invincible. He was supposed to be strong and hold up under the pressure, but sometimes it was too hard. Sometimes he needed that release, the one that men like Tony Stark found at the bottom of a liquor bottle, the release Bruce found in helping save lives, and that Hawkeye found when he made the perfect shot. Steve usually found that release when he beat the hell out of a punching bag. Tonight, that hadn't been enough. He'd come up the stairs from the gym covered in sweat and his breathing labored, and that knot had still been in the pit of his stomach. He'd showered and changed, and his muscles had loosened, but that was about it. Now he sat in the living room, a glass of scotch in one hand and an empty record case in the other. Tony bought him the record player for their first Christmas together, and the rest of the year, the two had spent their free time laboring to regain Steve's original Sinatra collection (all of which he remembered perfectly; the man's mind was incredible, honestly). So there he sat, looking at the picture of a man and woman locked in an embrace, as Sinatra's tunes softly wafted from his record player.

Steve only looked up when he'd heard the 'vworp, vworp, vworp' sound that had oddly become familiar to him after their last mission. He'd made it through about ten glasses of scotch and two of the records, and the guest he was about to encounter was not expected. Tony was out with Pepper, Steve assumed, and the rest of the team was doing something or other that didn't involve Captain Rogers. So here he was: alone, drinking, and wallowing in self pity, something Steve hardly ever fell into. But he deserved it now and again, and there was one thing on his mind currently: Peggy Carter. It seemed as if romance was all around the Captain anymore, and he was constantly reminded of how completely alone he was. Tony had Pepper, Clint had Natasha, Thor had Jane, and Bruce had recently started dating a rather pretty, approachable brunette named Betty. And then there was the Captain, left to think about Peggy every time they paired off and left him in this exact situation. And that was what had brought this damn blue box back. Steve finished off his glass of scotch, praying to feel that buzz alcohol used to bring on, but feeling nothing more than healthy. And then the noise and stopped, and the box was there completely. It wasn't hazing in and out of this dimension, wasn't leaving for a new adventure. It was just sitting there in front of Steve Rogers, glaring at him as if calling him out on his wallowing and drinking. Steve placed his glass aside and dropped the record cover as he exhaled slowly and stood. He was ready to turn the Doctor down, send that mad man back to where ever he came from, and go to bed.

"Captain Rogers, good to see you again!" Steve flinched away from the voice, and smiled very slightly. His shoulders were slumped and his face just looked tired. Lines were etched in his face that one never would have expected to see, and over all he was just exhausted. The Doctor hesitated, noticing the look on the Captain's face and the way his whole frame looked as if it could be pushed over with a slight breeze. "Are you ok, ol' boy?" The Doctor asked as he clapped the Captain on his shoulder.

Steve exhaled and looked the Doctor in his eyes. Eyes were windows to the soul, everyone said, and within those tired blue eyes the Doctor got all the answers he'd need. Steve was obviously tired; he was tired of running, tired of high risk, low reward situations and tired of pulling a strong face for the rest of his team. He'd been so strong, and there was no man who deserved a ride in the TARDIS more than Steve Rogers right now. "No, don't answer that. I know the answer. How could you be ok? How could I think you were ok? Steve Rogers, are you ready to –" The Doctor was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder and a shake of the super soldier's head.

"No, Doctor. No adventures today, please. I need… I need to breathe," Steve murmured softly. Was that the start of tears the Doctor saw? He couldn't let this man go on like this.

Immediately the Doctor shook his head. "No, you're right, no adventures. Just a trip. A much needed vacation, how does that sound? Good? C'mon, we haven't got all day. I've got to drop you off in time to get back to some gladiators I left stranded on a Grecian Island… Right then, on you go!" The Doctor ushered Steve into the TARDIS then, and though the man protested, he didn't put up enough of a fight to harm the crazy man. Steve's chest puffed up as he stepped back into the time machine once again, and his eyes lit upon the consul as well as a young woman and man who were seated by it. "Steve Rogers, this is Amy Pond and Rory… Pond," the tall, thin young man snorted and opened his mouth to protest but closed it with a 'why even bother?' and a quick roll of his eyes.

Steve offered his hand towards Rory, and after a hearty shake, he turned towards Amy, expecting another shake. Instead, the fiery redhead threw her arms around Steve, and he was slightly taken aback though he nervously returned the hug and grinned softly as Amy pulled back. "The Doctor told us all about your run in with Loki and how you helped to save a planet," Amy wiggled her eyebrows and threaded her fingers through Rory's then.

A small blush colored the Captain's cheeks, and the Doctor couldn't help but admire Steve's consistent modesty through all of his adventures. He also couldn't help but realize how tragically contrasting Rory's story was when placed against the Captain's. Rory had waited forever for the love of his life, waited so many years and gone through so much only to get back the woman he loved. Steve had found a pure, true love early on, and had lost it quickly, tragically, and now had to live with that weight on his shoulders. It really wasn't fair, was it?

"It really was nothing, ma'am," Steve murmured as he scratched the back of his neck and looked at his shoes. He turned his attention back to the Doctor, wanting to get it off of himself, and hurriedly asked, "where are we going, Doctor?"

A spark lit deep in the Doctor's eyes as he pointed his fingers towards the ceiling and let out an 'aha'! "That is a surprise, Captain. If you wouldn't mind, though, there's something for you to change into if you go down that hall, take a right and then a sharp left." The Doctor pointed and smiled widely. "Now go! We'll be there soon and we don't want to make you any later than you have been, hmmm?"

Butterflies soared through Steve's stomach as the whooshing started up and Steve knew they were hurtling through space. He did as the Doctor told him though, and made his way into a small room that looked sort of like a fitting room, complete with mirrors. Upon a rack hung and outfit, one that was very familiar to Steve. Seeing his old military uniform brought tears to his eyes, and Steve's fingers hesitantly ran across the coarse fabric before he slid out of his jeans and button up, and into the uniform. He hadn't put on something like this since before he was frozen, and it was actually rather refreshing. He inspected his appearance for a moment before heading back out to the consul room and holding his hands out, grinning slightly. Just the clothing changes made him feel better already. "How do I look?" Steve asked humbly.

Amy applauded and Rory's eyebrows arched. "I never could say no to a man in uniform," Amy murmured breathlessly as she gave Steve the once over and arched her own brows. Steve rolled his eyes and turned his cap in his hands as he descended down the stairs and went towards the doors. The noise had stopped, and he assumed that meant they were there.

"May I?" Steve asked as he gestured towards the door.

The Doctor hesitated before nodding. "But, Steve there are some rules…" The Doctor steepled his fingers in front of his face and narrowed his eyebrows for a second before straightening up. "You can't tell anyone how you got here. No one, Steve. You can't stay later than midnight, I'll meet you right at this exact spot and if you aren't here, I will come find you and you will not like it." Steve nodded to show he was following. "Now go have a good time, alright?" The Doctor nodded towards the door then, and watched the soldier.

Hesitantly, haltingly, Steve pushed the door open and stepped out of the TARDIS. It vworped out of sight almost instantly, and it was now that Steve looked up at where he was. It was the club where he was supposed to meet Peggy all those years ago. At once Steve's heart leapt into his mouth and his stomach twisted into knots. "Excuse me, Sir!" he called as he grabbed the arm of a man passing.

"How can I help you, Captain?" the old man smiled and nodded towards Steve's badges. Steve returned the smile with a faltering one.

"Could you tell me the date?" The old man gave Steve a confused look before informing him of the date and time, which nearly caused Steve to fall over.

It was exactly a week after Steve had sunk the plane into the ice, eight o'clock on the dot. He knew what that meant. It meant that somewhere nearby, Peggy was waiting for him. She was here, near him. He was going to see Peggy again. The realization hit him hard, and for a moment he was stunned into silence.

Steve turned frantic then, as he pushed through the crowd. "Peggy?" his voice was drowned out by the crowd. "Peggy? Where are you?" his eyes scanned the faces as they passed, but none of them were who he was looking for. Until… wait! It was her! Steve didn't even wait. He pushed through the crowd, which earned him a few rude comments from those he was pushing out of the way, but they couldn't stand between him and Peggy. He needed her, he needed proof that this really was happening.

That was when she saw him. Her expression at first looked confused before blossoming into the most beautiful smile Steve had ever seen. And that was when Steve fell in love with Peggy for a second time. In his memory, she'd faded slightly. It was like keeping an old picture in the back of your sock drawer: you could try to protect the picture all you wanted, but nothing is immune to time. Over time, Steve's picture of Peggy had yellowed and grown frail. He could remember her overall, but it was the small details he'd forgotten, and it was those small details that made her so beautiful. It was the way she held herself, shoulders back and head high, as if nothing could tear her down. It was the way her eyes seemed to dance with the emotions she was feeling, the way her whole face lit and glowed in the evening light. It was how as soon as his arms were around her, Steve finally felt complete. They were two halves finally meshing into a whole, a tangle of emotion knotting together for the first time and maybe the last. It was the way he could feel her warm tears against his cheeks as his lips desperately sought out hers, desperate in a way he never knew he was capable of feeling. They were surrounded by people, but Steve didn't care. None of them mattered; all that mattered was that Peggy was here right now, and he was never going to let her out of his sight again. He knew he had a curfew, but Steve fully intended on staying here. He wasn't going back to the future, he was going to stay right where he belonged, and that was final.

"I thought you wouldn't make it," Peggy breathed, her voice thick with emotion. Steve brushed her hair from her eyes and the tears from her cheeks as his lips anxiously sought to touch upon every feature of her face, from her nose to her eyes to those luscious lips that were currently trying to talk to him. "I thought we'd lost you, Steve, I—" She was cut off by Steve's lips smashing into hers, because there was no better way to explain it, really. They were crashing into each other, time stopping and hearts racing in a frenzy of emotions. Steve was swept up in his emotions; he wasn't worrying about strategy, or the fact that the Doctor would drag him away soon. All he was worried about was Peggy, and that was all that ever should have mattered to him.

It was then that Peggy started to laugh. She pulled back from Steve and rested her forehead on his, her fingers tickling the back of his neck and her eyes bright and wide. "God, I never thought I'd see you again Peggy," Steve hummed as his eyes slid shut and he savored the warmth of her hips beneath his fingers. "Do you want to go dance?" he asked breathlessly.

Peggy smirked and pressed another peck against his lips. "I thought you'd never ask," she grinned widely and bit her lower lip as she took his hand in her own and lead the way up towards the club. Already Steve could hear the music playing and knew that this was where he belonged. As they entered, a few eyes turned but not many people paid them much mind. Many soldiers had come home recently, and to the rest of the world Steve and Peggy were just another reunited couple. No one understood what Steve was going through now. Almost eighty years since he'd seen her, and he had only one night with her. Many people asked Steve what he would do if presented with this opportunity, and now that the time was here he honestly wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with his fleeting time.

"I have… no idea how to do this," Steve chuckled and held Peggy close as he watched the couples on the dance floor. They flowed like liquid, moving in harmony in a way Steve envied. They didn't even bother with getting drinks, and instead Peggy laced their fingers together and placed his hand on her waist.

"That's ok, remember? I told you I would show you how," she chuckled lightly and immediately picked up the steps. Peggy was definitely a natural, and as she slowly lead him through the steps, Steve immediately picked them up as well. He was a quick learner, after all, and by the end of the first song it was as if Steve had spent every day of his life dancing.

And that was how the rest of their night went. They danced until their feet were sore, and around eleven the couple stumbled out of the club, giggling and constantly smiling and clinging to each other. They were positively glowing, radiant in the darkness. Most couples were already stumbling home, but Steve didn't want to go back to her apartment; that only meant the night was ending. Instead, he took her arm through his and veered left; he knew this part of town better than the back of his hand, and right around the corner was a small church with a children's play set. Peggy grinned when she saw it, and removed her shoes as she stepped into the grass and seated herself on a swing. Steve followed suit, seating himself next to her on another swing, and giving her a push to start it off.

After five minutes of swinging in silence, Steve's feet dragged on the ground and he came to a halt with a sigh. "What's wrong?" Peggy asked, her eyes worriedly scanning his face.

He had promised the doctor he wouldn't tell, but what was he supposed to do, just disappear on her again?

"Peggy, I've got to tell you something," Steve's voice was husky with emotion and he could feel tears stinging in his eyes. He'd had the best night of his life, and now he had to leave. This was harder than living without her, really. Spending the most amazing night with her and then leaving? It was causing an awful, sinking feeling in Steve's chest. She opened her mouth to protest, but he just placed a gentle kiss upon her lips before going on. "There's nothing you can say right now to make this change. And you're going to think I am crazy, but you have to believe me here," he said breathlessly. He had to get this out before the Doctor showed up and chastised him. "Firstly and the most important thing, Peggy, is that I love you. I love you so much, and it breaks my heart, it really does…" Steve exhaled and Peggy stood up then slid onto his lap. Steve's arms wrapped around her and his chin rested on her shoulder. "I can't stay, Peggy, I can't… I just…" He stopped and buried his face in her shoulder to hide everything he was feeling.

"I made a promise to someone, I can't tell you more than that, and… and I don't want to honor it, but –"

Peggy pressed a finger upon his lips and Steve looked up at her with pleading eyes. "It doesn't matter, Steve," she murmured. Tears were in her eyes as well, and threatened to fall as her hand came to cup his cheek. "I can't understand, but… I can't question you. I love you too, but if this is how it has to end then so be it," she mumbled as she pressed her lips against his. Steve pressed against her, his tongue gliding along her lower lip, his fingers pressing into the small of her back; he needed confirmation that this was real and had all happened, and that this wasn't just a dream. Peggy would remember this night for the rest of her life, and so would he. Silent tears fell from both sets of eyes, and Steve clung to her as if it would cause time itself to halt. How had those four hours gone so fast? He couldn't leave her, he just couldn't. Steve couldn't live without Peggy, not again. But what choice did he have?

Almost as if the Doctor knew Steve was about to flee with Peggy, the vworping noise was back and Steve buried his face in Peggy's hair. "I'm not ready to go," Steve murmured against the soft locks. He knew the Doctor had heard him, but he didn't want to acknowledge the man's presence. "Please, Doctor, I'm begging you…" Steve choked out. He finally looked up, holding Peggy against him as he looked up at the man with pleading, big blue eyes. "I can't… I can't leave her again," his stomach turned and he didn't think he could do it. He thought that the pain might physically kill him. But he saw how the Doctor was looking at him, and he knew it was tearing him up as well.

"Agent Carter, there's a cab waiting to take you home at the curb," the Doctor whispered. It was as if any louder and he would ruin the moment, though it was too late to try and save it at this point. Peggy's grip around Steve's neck tightened, and he gently ran his hand down her back, pressing a few more kisses against her cheeks and forehead.

"Peggy go home. Be happy, find someone who can make you happy," Steve's voice was hoarse and he could hardly choke out the words.

The agent shook her head and the tears fell freely now. "I can't, Steve. I can't leave you. Please, don't go," her shoulders shook and her breaths were sobs, and it was shredding Steve's heart into a bloody, messy pulp. "No one can make me happy like you can," she whispered into his ear. Steve stood then, clutching Peggy against his chest. How was he supposed to go on now? It was much worse this way. But at least he could tell her everything he wanted to when he'd discovered he'd lost her.

"Listen to me, Peggy. Really, listen. I love you more than you could ever know. And I need you to promise me you will move on and be happy. You have to be happy, and live your life fully and don't miss out on a moment because of me, do you understand?" Steve choked the words out and pressed a sloppy kiss against Peggy's lips. His fingers clung to her arms, longing to keep her safe and to stop the hurt that was evident on her face, but the Doctor and another set of hands were tugging at him, pulling him back towards the TARDIS, towards a cold, harsh reality check that would come any minute. "No, please, just give me ten more minutes. I just need more time," Steve could feel her disappearing; he could see her standing there, stunned into silence.

"I love you, Steve." Those were the last words he ever heard leave her lips, and those words would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Steve struggled, tugging against the arms that were forcing him back. "Listen to me, Steve, you can't stay here. We need you." Steve knew that voice, and he could feel the iron grasp of the Tony Stark on his arm.

"No. I need to stay here, this is where I need to be. Please, Tony, you understand right?" Steve's eyes were pleading as the doors of the TARDIS closed behind them and the Doctor started pressing buttons. Steve used all of his strength and finally broke free of Rory and Tony, and was at the door in a second. His fingers fumbled with the lock and he shoved his shoulder against the door, but it didn't budge. "Please," he pleaded with the TARDIS as his fist banged against the door, once, twice, three times. But it didn't budge, and Steve fell against it, his resolve crumbling. "I can't leave her, Tony, I can't. Not again." Steve knelt on the floor, his forehead resting against the door and his fingers curled around his shirt over his chest. There was silence behind him, and his soft sobs echoed around the room. No one knew quite what to say or do, and everyone questioned if this was really the right thing to do in such a situation.

"Is he alright?" Amy hopped down from the counter where she'd been sitting, waiting for Tony to return.

The billionaire sighed and rubbed his temples. "He'll be ok, he just… it's rough," Tony shrugged and looked at the guilty looking Doctor. "Hey, Doc, it isn't your fault. You didn't know he'd react so… violently." Tony shrugged and his eyes softened. "He's in good hands, and I think that in years to come he will learn to appreciate it." Tony had watched the strongest man he knew break down into a million pieces tonight, and all he'd wanted to do was help piece Steve back together again. He'd lead the exhausted super solider to his room and tucked him into bed, watching and waiting for his eyelids to flutter shut so he could slip into a peaceful sleep. The change on Steve's face as he'd gone from this world to the dream world had been astounding, and Tony found that he didn't want to leave the Captain. He wanted to hold his hand and remind him that he'd be there for him. Tony wanted to kiss away the pain, and fix the hurt Peggy had left behind. Everyone assumed Pepper and Tony were together, but no one really knew the truth. They didn't know that every date involved business, and that the dances were just to hide the truth. Tony was falling hard, and not for the beautiful Pepper Potts. And now, the man he never wanted to feel such extreme pain had completely fallen apart in front of him and there was nothing Tony could do to make it better.

"You'll take care of him, Stark?" The Doctor's voice was almost threatening, and Tony took a step back, confusion in his eyes. "Steve is my closest friend, I would never let anything hurt him, trust me."

The Doctor nodded once and exhaled as his hand messed through his floppy hair. "I shouldn't have… but no. It was necessary. He needed the closure." Tony, Amy and Rory all nodded in agreement. The Doctor gestured then, and headed towards the TARDIS.

"Don't be a stranger, you hear?" Stark called after the timelord. The Doctor nodded and smiled towards Tony as he ushered Amy and Rory into the TARDIS and then stepped in himself.

"Tony, don't ruin this," the Doctor murmured before slipping inside and disappearing into the universe once more.

"I don't intend to," Tony murmured to the empty kitchen.


End file.
